Apologies

I have to apologize fer not keeping up with this thing the way I had origin'ly intended, but I been busy with another project. I hope to take another run at this sometime after the beginning o' the new year. Until then, you can take a look at the latest thing I've been working on here: http://moustaphahamadrid.blogspot.com/. Hope you enjoy it.

Let's Not Get Into That

Today's Apple: A Red Rome

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine 
folks at All About Apples

Ashmead's Kernel

Parentage / Origin: Gloucester, England, 1720

Harvest / Season: Harvest: mid-October, Season: December - February

Description: Old late season apple of excellent flavor and highest quality. Bright green-yellow fruit flushed orange with light cinnamon russeting. Sweet, slightly acid and highly aromatic flavor. Crisp, juicy flesh.

Monday night 'n' Tuesday morning: "loose stool" (as the doctors would call it). Maybe from a week of extra fiber from the apples er just the flushing out o' toxins. Either way, the less said 'bout it, the better.

Sweating (But NOT to the Oldies)

Today's Apple: A Fuji

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine 
folks at All About Apples

Arkansas Black

Parentage / Origin: Probably a seedling of Winesap.; Benton County, Arkansas around 1870

Harvest / Season: Harvest: Late October - November

Description: Extremely beautiful, medium size, smooth, round, dark purplish red fruits turn nearly black at maturity. Waxy skin. Crisp, juicy, very firm, yellow flesh. Distinctive aromatic flavor lends itself well to cider blending. Very good quality, use for fresh eating or cooking. Excellent keeper; mellows in storage.

Tree Characteristics: Triploid

After work Friday, I had to go to the local public library. They was holding on to some stuff fer me that I needed to pick up 'fore they gave 'em away to someone else. The wife had the car, so I figgered I'd just walk over there. It's only 'bout two miles from work, 'n' then another two miles back to the house, 'n' the weather's been fairly mild (highs in the 80's 'stead o' the 90's fer a change), so I figgered it'd be no big deal. After all, when I was younger, I was used to pedestriating ever'where I went.

Man, have I gotten out o' shape. Now, I knew that there would be a lot o' going up 'n' down the hills 'tween work 'n' the library 'n' the library 'n' the house, but I didn't think too much of 'em. Least, not 'til 'bout the time I stood at the bottom o' that last big hill I still had to climb to get to the house. By that time I was sweating like a pig 'n' my thighs was complaining mightily 'bout what I was contemplating putting 'em through after I'd already put 'em through so much already. Lucky fer me, a Men Without Hats song come on my I-Pod just then, so that gave me enough of a lift to make it up the hill 'n' the rest o' the way home. (Don't ever underestimate the power of a good Men Without Hats song.)

So I get home, drenched in sweat, fatigued leg muscles, hands so swoll up I can barely get my rings off 'fore I get in the shower, wondering, "When did this quit being easy? (Partly in my defense, however, the temperature was up 'round 95 fer the first time in two weeks, so that explains a good bit o' the sweating.) I used to be able to do four miles with no problems, hills notwithstanding. (Although, to my credit, I did make the whole round trip in 'bout an hour, which is right at my old average pedestrian speed, even on a straightaway.) I still walk least a mile er more ever'day to work. Up 'n' down hills included."

Well, natur'ly, that got me thinking the kinds o' thought no one ever wants to think 'bout: Should I start exercising? Then I had a better thought: Maybe I shouldn't exercise, 'cause that might th'ow the whole experiment off. I mean, what I'm trying to do is find out if apples have a marked effect on a person's health. If I th'ow exercising into the mix, ain't that gonna seriously skew the results? After all, excercising has been shown to have positive benefits fer one's health (once you get past that "No Pain, No Gain" phase of it, that is).

I guess that leaves me with some real puzzlers to try 'n' figger out. Firstly, will excercising invalidate the whole apple a day thing since I wouldn't be able to tell if it was the apples helping, the exercising helping, er a combination o' the two? Secondly, if I decide not to do the excercising 'cause I don't want to taint the results, how much o' that decision would be based on a subconcious desire to be lazy? Thirdly, since this saying comes from over a hunderd years ago, when folks was much more active than they are these days, could it have been a combination o' the apples added to their reg'lar physical exertions that brought on the benefits?

Perhaps it wasn't just an apple a day that was the only determining factor that kept the doctor away. Maybe it was the addition o' the apple to an already vigorous lifestyle lived in an ecologically cleaner environment, with better air 'n' less poisons in the water supply. Maybe they was already healthier, in some ways, than modern day folks, so they was already more inclined to not need doctors quite so much as we do nowadays. They certainly didn't have to worry 'bout things like "irritable bowel syndrome", er "shaky legs", er even "COPD", since those things hadn't been invented yet.

So I guess excercising a little ever' now 'n' then wouldn't th'ow things off too much. I guess I could handle a little bit ever' once 'n' a while. Maybe a stroll back 'n' forth to the library once a week wouldn't kill me. But I ain't doing no Richard Simmons.

The Start o' Week Two

Today's Apple: A Granny Smith

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
folks at All About Apples

Granny Smith

Parentage / Origin: Australia, 1850
View list of Granny Smith sport varieties
Harvest / Season: Harvest: late October; Season: October - December
Description: Green, crisp and tart, and an excellent keeper.

Happy Halloween

Today's Apple: A Pink Lady

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
folks at All About Apples

Pink Lady (Cripps cv.), USPP #7,880

Parentage / Origin: Golden Delicious x Lady Williams; Western Australian apple breeding program
Harvest / Season: Harvest: September - October
Description: Oblong, green fruit turns yellow at maturity and is overlaid with pink or light red. Fine-grained, white flesh. Thin skin bruises easily. Fruit will store for six to eight months in common storage.
Tree Characteristics: Tree is very vigorous with large distinctive leaves.

Listening to the Crickets

Today's Apple: A Jonagold

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
folks at All About Apples

Jonagold

Parentage / Origin: Golden Delicious x Jonathan; Developed at Geneva Station, introduced in 1968.
View list of Jonagold sport varieties
Harvest / Season: Harvest: mid September to late October; Season: September - November
Description: Large fruit striped red over bright yellow. Firm, crackling, juicy, slightly tart, flesh. Superb, rich, full flavor. Finest dessert and eating quality. Good cooking properties. Will store in common refrigerator for 3 months.
Tree Characteristics: Handsome sturdy vigorous spreading tree. Triploid

I don't get much chance to write over the weekends, so don't expect to hear much from me between Fridays 'n' Mondays. Just sit back 'n' enjoy the silence fer a couple days.

Imagining vs. Reality

Today's Apple: A Gala

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
 folks at All About Apples

Gala

(Also known as: Royal Gala)
Parentage / Origin: Kidd's Orange Red x Golden Delicious; New Zealand, 1934
View list of Gala sport varieties
Harvest / Season: Harvest: October, Season: October-January
Description: Excellent for fresh eating. A very pretty, medium size, conical to round fruit with yellow skin patterned with bright orange-red. Firm, juicy, fine textured, yellow white flesh. Sweet slightly tart flavor. Hangs well on tree.
Tree Characteristics: Compact growth habit, prolific bearer. Needs heavy thinning to maintain fruit size and prevent biennial bearing




'Nother thing that fire I was talking 'bout yeste'day got me to thinking 'bout was what would I do if I ever did get home some day to find that there weren't no home there no more? I think I could handle it pret' well, 'cept fer the part 'bout having to find somewhere to stay while ever'thing got sorted out. The one part I couldn't handle, though, would be coming home to find the three little charred bodies of our dead cats in amongst the rubble. That'd be hard.

Then I got to thinking, since I seem to be tending towards the morbid the past day er two (I'll blame it on the fact that Halloween is coming up in a couple days), which'ld be worse: coming home to find three little charred bodies of our dead cats in amongst the rubble, er coming home to find the charred bodies of one er more o the cats that wasn't quite dead yet? Which would be the hardest to cope with? Would I rather they was already dead 'n' torture myself with what kind o' agonies they must o' gone through, er find one er more of 'em alive 'n' have to witness firsthand the agonies they was going through?

You always hear folks talking 'bout how the great old horror movies were much more frightening 'cause they left so much o' the horror to your imagination. These folks say that what you can imagine happening is always much more horrific and terrifying than anything anyone could put up on a movie screen. You hear the same kinds o' remarks from folks who prefer books over movies, of any kind, not just the horror genre, that the images their imagination creates from the words are far better than anything Hollywood could ever do.

But does that hold true fer real life, as well? Which o' the two is worse - imagining some traumatic experience er actu'ly living through the traumatic experience? Is reality better at coming up with scenes of horror than our imaginations? 'N' which would you rather do, if given the choice? Would you rather actu'ly be there, experiencing the last moments o' someone you loved, no matter how bad er painful those moments were, er avoid that trauma 'n' spend the rest o' your life just imagining what they must o' gone through er what it must have been like fer 'em?

Personally, I think I'd opt fer the former. By actu'ly going through the experience, you get the benefit o' having a beginning 'n' an ending to the whole thing. (And don't nobody dare say anything 'bout "closure". I hate that word 'n' the way it's been so overused.) By actu'ly going throught the experience, you know what was what 'n' what happened 'n' how it ended. With your imagination, there don't seem to be any ending to it. You just keep replaying what it might have been like over 'n' over again, trying out differ'nt scenarios, possibly even coming up with worse imaginings that you did the last time you mentally chewed it over. Me, I'd rather know the worst than imagine something worse than that.
Now, that I've thoroughly depressed ever'one, including myself, I'll leave you for the weekend on a slightly happier note. What about the flip side o' the coin? When it comes to good er happy experiences, which is better - imagination er reality? Before you answer that, though, think about it a bit. Have you ever been giddily in love, er even just infatuated with, someone 'n' imagined how great it would be to be with 'em? How did that turn out? How many times, not just in personal relationships, did the reality o' something not live up to the hype o' what your imagination was building you up fer? If a bad reality is better than a bad imagination, does that necessarily mean that a good reality is better than a good imagination?

Some Things Even an Apple a Day Cain't Cure

Today's Apple: A Fuji

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
 folks at All About Apples

Fuji

Parentage / Origin: Ralls Janet x Delicious; Japan 1962

View list of Fuji sport varieties

Harvest / Season: Harvest: Late October; Season: October - January

Description: Tall, rectangular, medium size fruit. Yellowish green skin with an orangish red flush and darker stripes. Darker blush on sun side. Crisp, juicy slightly subacid white flesh with outstanding texture.   May require up to 200 days to mature. Good keeper.

Tree Characteristics: Vigorous, productive, somewhat bushy tree. Needs annual detailed pruning.

I was walking between a couple o' the buildings where I work yest'day afternoon, when I happened to look over towards the area where my house is. (One o' the main reasons the wife 'n' I bought our house was 'cause it's within walking distance o' where at least one of us worked.) What I saw was the kind o' thing don't no one want to see coming from the direction o' their house: it was a huge column o' dark brown smoke. 'Cause o' the dips 'n' rises 'tween where I work 'n' the house, I couldn't tell exactly where the smoke was coming from, but it did look unnervingly close to where our house was, so I was a might afraid o' what was going on.

Since the wife is the one who cain't walk to work, I didn't have the car, so I couldn't go running out to see what was what. In the short space o' time it took me to get back to my office, I'd considered how long it would take me to run up to the top of a hill close enough to see where the smoke was coming from 'n' trying to get a coworker to drive me over there. I discarded both o' those ideas as impracticle 'n' hit on the idea o' just calling the house.

Now, I knew my wife weren't home, 'n' none o' the cats're industrious enough to pick up the phone, but I figgered that, if our house was that much on fire, there wouldn't be no 'lectricity at the place, so the answering machine wouldn't be working no more than the cats do. I'll admit that, even though I was pretty sure the smoke was a little too far to one side to be from our house, hearing the wife's voice on the answering machine was more than a little relief. (Oddly enough, my very next thought was, "Great. Now I'll get home 'n' find a blank message on the machine." Strange how one can go from some level o' trepidation, no matter how slight, to relief to annoyance in just the span of a couple seconds.)

Once I determined the 'lectricity at the house was on 'n' that we weren't the ones on fire, my curiosity kicked in 'n' I decided to check the web sites fer some o' the local news gatherers. I didn't hold out much hope, since they don't usually seem to be nearly as "current" 'n' "up to the minute" as they claim to be, but I did find one o' the local stations that had a small blurb 'bout the fire. They didn't give no address, but the closest street they mentioned wasn't one I didn't recognize the name of, so I figgered it was in some other neighborhood than ours.

You might think it seems cruel er cold er heartless o' me, but it is a sad fact o' the area 'n' times in which I live that my first thought, after finding out it wasn't me ner no one else in my neighborhood that was on fire, was, "Well, that'll learn 'em to set up a meth lab in their kitchen". My second thought, again the product o' the times 'n' area in which I live, was, "Wonder how many illegals they had crammed in there 'n' was they all able to get out safely".

I found an update to the story online this morning, 'n' it turns out that the circumstances were much more mundane 'n' much sadder than that. Seems a 50 something year old lady was cooking up some hot dogs when something on the stove caught fire. (They're thinking it was prob'ly some rags er something like that.) The lady tried putting the fire out herself 'n' wound up receiving some fairly major, even life-threatening, burns 'fore the firemen got there. The other lady living in the house, who's listed as being in her 60s, got out without any harm, but the house, their vehicle, 'n' most, if not all, o' their possesions was lost in the fire.

At least, the 60 something year old lady got out without any physical harm. That's what news stories always mean when they say something like, "escaped unharmed". But what 'bout the emotional 'n' psychological damage she suffered, is suffering, 'n' will continue to suffer fer who knows how long? I don't know if the lady who was injured was the other lady's daughter er sister er caretaker er longtime companion er just even a neighbor who'd stopped by fer a bit. The fact that she was in the kitchen, fixing 'em both something to eat, shows that there was some kind o' relationship, some kind o' caring, some kind o' compassion there.  Having to face the very real fear o' possibly losing a relationship like that don't exactly leave a person "unharmed". What the news story should have said was, "while only one person in the house at the time received any injuries, no one escaped the fire unharmed".

Just an Ol' Gasbag

Today's Apple: A Golden Delicious

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
 folks at All About Apples

Golden Delicious

Parentage / Origin: Chance seedling of Grimes Golden; West Virginia, Introduced in 1900
View list of Golden Delicious sport varieties

Harvest / Season: Harvest: Mid September to late October; Season: October - December

Description: Large conic golden yellow fruit. Firm, crisp, juicy, flavorful flesh. Mild sweet distinctive flavor. High quality all purpose. Shrivels in storage. Requires gentle picking, bruises easily.

Tree Characteristics: Moderately vigorous, round headed tree with wide crotch angles. Bears very young and annually if thinned. Self fertile.

Woke up this morning with a terrible case o' gas. I took two Tums 'fore leaving the house, 'n' then had a peppermint candy after I got to work, but they don't seem to be helping that much. Could it be 'cause o' three straight days of apples? Maybe it was 'cause o' that banana 'n' coffee I had fer breakfast. I know it couldn't o' been 'cause o' that bag o' chocolate mints I finished off 'fore bedtime last night.

'Cording to chetday.com, eating fruit in combination with other foods, such as, just fer instance, the rest of a bag o' chocolate mints, can cause the body to leave part o' the fruit undigested. That's 'cause it's so busy digesting the other food, chocolate mints, just as an example, that it don't get 'round to fully digesting the apple bits. This can cause the undigested apple bits to ferment, 'n' even rot to some degree, causing a build up o' gas 'n' toxins.

'Cording to Mr. Day, I should be waiting 'bout two hours after a big meal 'fore eating my apples so I can do it on an empty stomach 'n' let 'em get digested completely. This would have been good to know 'fore I started this whole thing, but I guess late is better than never 'n' early late is better than later late. Course, that may mean it wasn't the banana's fault, since that was first thing this morning 'n' most definitely on an empty stomach.

Which don't go too far in explaining how come I seem to get kind o' gassy lots o' mornings after the coffee/banana combination that usually makes up my breakfast. Maybe the acid in the coffee is somewhat to blame. (Though that don't explain how come I had the gas before I ever had the coffee.) Used to be I could drink pots o' the stuff throughout the day. Now I'm down to one cup in the morning 'n' whatever's left o' that cup after I get back home at the end o' the day. ('N' by "cup" I mean a big ol' plastic mug that holds, at least, 16 ounces er more.)

 'Minds me of a feller I worked with once who had a dicken's of a time with his coffee consumption. He loved his coffee 'n' just couldn't get through the day without a cup of it ever' now 'n' then. Problem was, black coffee gave him acid, so he had to add milk to try 'n' neutralize the acid. Unfortunately, milk gave him gas. So he had to choose between whether he wanted to deal with acid er gas all day. Er switch back 'n' forth 'tween the two as the day wore on. Course, giving up coffee altogether was never an option.

Maybe it's just the early results o' my body adjusting to its new regimen of a daily extra fruit. I'm sure there's some changes that my body will have to go through 'fore all's said 'n' done. After all, ever'one always says, "No pain, no gain." It just seems somewhat counterintuitive that you have to start out feeling worse in order to start feeling better. ('N', after more'n five years off the smokes, I'm still waiting fer the benefits o' that change to a "healthier" lifestyle to start kicking in.)

Bob Ross Moments

Today's Apple: A Red Rome

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
 folks at All About Apples

Red Rome

Parentage / Origin: Sport of Rome Beauty

Harvest / Season: Harvest: late September - October: Season: September - November

Description: Very round fruit, medium to very large, with handsomely striped to almost solid red, thick skin. A favorite for baking and drying, and outstanding as a baked apple. Inferior for eating due to dryish flesh and very mild, unremarkable flavor. A good keeper on and off the tree. Once a major commercial variety, now losing market share.

Tree Characteristics: Tree medium sized and spreading with age. Terminal bearing, difficult to train. Spur types are often desirable. Precocious and annual producer.Scab resistant.

Here's a fact that most city folk prob'ly don't know. (Most country folk prob'ly don't know it, neither, so you city folks shouldn't feel too bad 'bout that.) Ever' apple tree that produces an edible apple is a fluke o' nature. It's a chance occurrence. It's a happy little miracle.

To understand how that is, you first need to know how you go 'bout getting an apple tree. Well, to get an apple tree, first you need to get an apple seed. 'N' to get an apple seed, you need to join the ovules (think of 'em as kind o' like an egg) from the female part of an apple blossom with the pollen from the male part of an apple blossom. (That's right, we're talking 'bout apple sex, here, so if you find that disturbing er offensive, you might just want to skip this post 'n' wait fer the next one.) Once you get the two o' those together, you get a viable apple seed that a tree can grow from.

Simple enough, right? Well, fer most plants, it might be as simple as that. But for the apples, it ain't so cut 'n' dried. See, apples're a might partic'lar 'bout where they'll accept their pollen from. Even though a single apple blossom produces both ovules 'n' pollen, that don't always mean they're compatible with each other. In fact, in most cases they ain't, 'cause they got a chemical in 'em that will reject the pollen from their own flowers er flowers of other trees o' the same variety. Basically, you can classify the "mating" of apples into three categories.

Firstly, at one end o' the spectrum, you got what we'll call the "incestuous" apple varieties. These are apples that are capable o' self pollination. They ain't too many apple varieties that fall into this category, but the Rome Beauty is a good example o' this kind. The incestuous trees are capable o' pollinating their own flowers, the flowers of other trees o' the same variety, 'n' the flowers o' trees of other varieties. So, if you want to grow apples but only have room fer one tree, you need to get one o' the incestuous varieties.

Secondly, at the other end o' the spectrum, you got what we'll call the "eunuch" apple varieties. These are apples that ain't capable of any kind o' pollination. Again, they ain't too many apple varieties that fall into this category, but the Gravenstein is a good example o' this kind. The eunuchs are not only incapable o' pollinating their own flowers er the flowers of other trees o' the same variety, but they cain't even pollinate the flowers o' trees of other varieties. So, if you want to grow eunuch varieties, you will need at least one er two other varieties of apple trees around. If you want to get apples off all the trees, then the barest minimum you could get by with would be one eunuch 'n' one incestuous.

Thirdly, right smack in the middle o' the spectrum, you got what we'll call the "gregarious" apple varieties. These are apples that rely on cross-pollination. The vast majority of apple varieties fall into this category. The gregarious trees are not capable o' pollinating their own flowers ner the flowers of other trees o' the same variety, but they can pollinate, 'n' be pollinated by, the flowers o' trees of other varieties. So, if you want to grow apples from gregarious varieties, you'll need at least one other variety of apple tree growing somewhere nearby.

So, now you might begin to understand a little why a palatable apple is such a happy little miracle. With most apple varieties being able to only produce viable seeds from cross-pollination with other varieties, you cain't be sure what kind o' tree you're going to get when you plant a seed. 'N' since each seed is the product of one ovule 'n' one grain o' pollen, which could have come from who knows where, you cain't even be sure that any two seeds from the same apple will produce similar trees.

As if all that weren't complicated enough, you get one more odd little quirk 'bout apple trees to th'ow into the mix. Most trees that grow from seeds tend to do what they call "return to the wild", which means it tends to produce fruit that is more likely to be some kind o' wild crab apple than something fit to put in your mouth. That's 'cause, fer the longest time, the only apples you could find were some type o' crab apple, so each seed is full o' mostly wild crab apple genes. But that's getting into the history of apples, which is a story we'll save fer another time.

So, you must be thinking 'bout now, how come they's so many trees producing so many apples that you can go into any store 'n' buy something edible? Well, that all comes 'bout 'cause o' the way they propagate trees in commercial orchards. But, again, that's another story fer another time. Fer now, let's just leave it at this: next time you bite into a nice, tasty, juicy apple (er pie, er tart, er fritter, er what have you), just remember that you're biting into a happy little miracle from a happy little tree.

Day One

Today's Apple: A Red Delicious

Image 'n' text courtesy o' the fine
 folks at All About Apples

Red Delicious
Parentage / Origin: Sport of Delicious
Harvest / Season: Harvest: late September; Season: September - November
Description: Most purchased apple variety in the United States. Deep red skin covers a sweeter flavored apple.




Finally, it is day one o' this thing. I ate my first apple last night, which, technically, might make this day two, but I ain't gonna insist on technicalities here. I've picked a lot o' nits in my day, but I'm just gonna leave that one where it lays.

I put a lot o' thought into which apple I was going to choose fer the first one. Should I go with a classic like a Pippin er a Winesap? Should I go with something with exceptional flavor like one o' the new Honeycrisp (which I think may be a registered trademark) er a McIntosh? Should I go with an ol' standby like a Granny Smith er a Johnathan? Er should I go with something a little more obscure, like Russett er a Muscat?

Well, actu'ly I didn't have that great a selection to choose from. The stores 'round here seem to carry a fairly limited number o' varieties fer sale any more. I ain't seen anything listed as a Pippin er a Winesap er a Russett er a Muscat since I moved to this area. At most, you can maybe find a dozen differ'nt varieties, if you look real hard, at even the best time o' the year. Part o' that's prob'ly 'cause Arizona ain't known fer its apple growing abilities, although there is a fair sized orchard east o' town called Apple Annie's Orchard, 'n' have to ship 'em in from somewhere else.

So, choosing amongst what was available to me, I decided to go with the Red Delicious fer several differ'nt reasons. Firstly, it was cheap. (The local Sunflower Farmers Market had 'em on sale fer 'bout 49 cents a pound last weekend.) Secondly, it seems that when most folks think of apples, they immediately picture a Red Delicious. You might even go so far as to say that the Red Delicious is the iconic American apple.

The reason the Red Delicious has become the paragon of apples in the national psyche is 'cause o' the way apples was marketed to city folks way back when. They was sold on the idea that a ripe apple was a red apple. Unfortunately, this is only true fer a very rare few types of apples. Most apples're a combination o' red 'n' green. But, 'cause o' their  ignorance in the reality o' produce, they believed the marketing campaign 'n' headed straight fer the reddest apples they could find. In fact, they made the Red Delicious so pop'lar that, at one time, it made up fully three-fourths o' the entire annual Washington state apple crop.

That was at the height of its popularity, though. 'N' it was that popularity that led to its eventual downfall. The apple farmers was so intent on developing newer, bigger, redder, better shipping, better keeping varieties o' Red Delicious, that the quality 'n' taste started to suffer. Now'days, the Red Delicious crop only makes up 'bout one-third o' the annual Washington state apple crop. Newer varieties have started moving in to take over some o' the market share o' the Red Delicious, 'n' some folks are even predicting its imminent demise sometime in the near future.

I ain't the biggest fan o' the Red Delicious, but that's mainly 'cause I've gotten hold o' so many that was all 'bout the look 'n' not enough 'bout the texture er taste. But I'd hate to see it disappear from the stores 'n' slip into the annals o' history. A quality Red Delicious is a great apple, 'n' they ain't many o' the newer varieties that taste er look much like an apple should. I've run into more'n one that was mealy in texture, lacking in flavor, er had some strange color in the flesh that made 'em look like they was bruised all the way through. We've already lost enough American icons, like Budweiser 'n' Coca Cola 'n' Bull Durham 'n' respected politicians, to changes in ownership 'n' changes in recipes 'n' lack o' interest. We cain't afford to go losing another one.

"How" 'Bout That?

At long last, we've come to the end of our list o' questions. We have finished off all the "W"s 'n' come to the "H". Once this one has been answered, we can fin'ly get on with the actu'l meat 'n' potatoes o' this whole undertaking. So let's get the "H" out o' here so we can commence.

How am I going to go 'bout doing this? Quite simple, really. First I'm going to take an apple (we've already decided that any ol' apple'll do), wash it, cut it in quarters, core it, cut it in eighths, 'n' then consume it. 'Bout as easy as it gets, right? Well, maybe not.

As we found out with the questions over what constitutes an apple fer the purposes o' this undertaking, there is also something 'bout the "How" o' this that ain't so cut 'n' dried as it might seem. What I'm specifically talking 'bout is how often does one have to eat an apple fer it to be considered "an apple a day". Does that mean at least once ever' calendar day? Does it mean at least once in ever' twenty-four hour period? Does it mean at least once within ever' cycle o' daylight hours, not at no time during the early morning er night?

If we say once ever' calendar day, can I eat one at say 6 A.M. on the first day 'n' the next one at 11 P.M on the second day? That's more than 36 hours without an apple. Does that mean I did not eat an apple a day, even though they was et on two consecutive calendar dates? Do they have to be treated like medication that must be taken, roughly, within twenty-four hours o' the last one to ensure that a certain level o' whatever beneficial compounds there may er may not be are maintained in the bloodstream at all times?

Well, fer the purposes o' this, I think I can get by with considering "a day" to mean a calendar date. So, long as I have at least one apple within any 24 hours between 12:01 A.M. 'n' midnight of any given day, that will qualify as "an apple a day", irregardless o' how much time has passed since the eating o' the previous apple.

'N' since we're discussing "How"s, this might be a good time to explain how this thing is going to be set up. Each day I will post a picture 'n' the variety o' the apple I ate the day before. Following that will be a picture, where available, 'n' description of a different variety of apple each day, just to give folks an idea o' just how many differ'nt kind o' apples're out there. The pictures 'n' descriptions will be courtesy o' the wonderful folks at All About Apples, who have graciously agreed to let me use this information that they've collected. So, a big tip o' the hat to them.

That will be followed, when possible, with whatever I'm in the mood to discuss that day. It could be inter'sting facts 'bout apples I've picked up here 'n' there. It could be talking 'bout the current state o' health care in the United States of America. It could be comparisons 'tween the current state o' health care 'n' what it was years ago er what it's like in differ'nt countries. It could just be me yapping 'bout my bad leg er my most recent bowel movement. It's just going to be whatever I'm in the mood to talk 'bout. We'll just have to wait 'n' see, 'cause, at this point, I ain't got too much more idea what all'll crop up than ya'll do.

"Why"? Why Not?

Now we fin'ly come to the last "W", which stands fer what is, perhaps, the single greatest question in human history. It is a question that has been asked, 'n' is still asked, by scientists, doctors, lawyers, philosophers, 'n' theologians. It is the question asked by children o' their parents 'n' parents o' their children. It is the question asked by teachers o' their students 'n' students o' their teachers. It is a question shouted from the pulpit 'n' whispered from the pews. It is a question that ever'one has asked at least once in their life but few seem able to answer. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find that it was the ver' first question asked by the ver' first person who was ever able to ask a question when they asked the ver' first question.

That "W" stands fer, 'n' that question is, "Why?" Think of all the great whys that have been asked since the beginning o' time 'n' asked again by ever' new generation. "Why are we here?" "Why did that happen?" "Why is the sky blue?" "Why me?" "Why now?" "Why not?" The greatest intellectual undertakings in human existence began with one o' those questions er one not far removed from 'em.

Kind o' makes a question like "Why is A Random Child eating an apple a day?" seem rather unimportant 'n' inconsequential, don't it? Well, as unimportant 'n' inconsequential as it may seem, it is still a valid question 'n' one deserving of an answer. 'N' the answer is fairly simple: 'Cause it's something I can do.

See, I ain't the fastest reader in the world, 'n' I ain't got hours a day I can spend just sitting 'round with my nose in a book. So trying to do something like read an entire encyclopedia in one year was out o' the question. 'N' I ain't got the kind o' money where I can go out buying things like lobsters 'n' big slabs o' lamb er butter, 'n' I ain't got hours a day I can spend in the kitchen. So trying to do something like cook ever' recipe listed in a cookbook in one year was out o' the question. But eating apples ever' day ... now that's something I figger I can do fer one year.

'Sides, as I pointed out yeste'day, the timing fer an undertaking like this just seems right. 'N' not just 'cause o' apples being on sale 'n' the political climate being what it is right now, but also from a personal perspective. I ain't as young as I used to be, 'n' I gave up cigarettes some years back, so my health ain't nearly as good as it used to be when I was younger 'n' still free to smoke. So I need something to try 'n' get back a little bit o' the edge I used to have with youth 'n' nicotine.

They ain't no use to bore you with all the partic'lars up front. After all, we got a whole year ahead of us fer me to bore you with the partic'lars. But just as a summary, at some time er t'other, I suffer from such things as: muscle tension, tension headaches, tinnitus, vision problems, lower back pains, a nerve in my lower left back causing problems with my left hip 'n' leg, gas, breathing problems, sinus infection, flu-like symptoms, some type o' dermatitis, diarrhea, constipation, bloody stool, 'n' a change in body odor over the past couple o' months.

Now, that may all seem like a lot o' things fer one feller to have wrong with him at once, 'n' it would be a lot fer one feller to have wrong with him at once. But, on the fortunate side, only a couple o' those things are persistent in my case. Most o' them just kind o' come 'n' go on some schedule o' their own choosing. On the unfortunate side, however, the doctor cain't help much with the more transient complaints since, as I'm sure almost all o' you know from personal experience, by the time the doctor can finally get around to seeing you 'bout one o' those complaints, all you can do is tell him what you had since you ain't got it no more.

Plus there's the fact that the majority o' the health care industry seems more geared to the diagnosis 'n' "treatment" o' health problems. There just don't seem to be much in the way o' prevention er even plain old curing of ailments no more. Which makes perfect sense from their point o' view. They can make more money off o' letting you get sick 'n' then treating you than they can make off o' keeping you from getting sick in the first place. 'N' the longer they can treat you, the more money they can make. Once they cure you, they stop making money off you.

So I'm hoping this apple a day thing can serve two purposes. Firstly, taking care of a lot o' the little things that just seem to come 'n' go before anyone gets a chance to look at 'em. Secondly, acting as either a preventative er a cure fer one er more o' my ailments. 'Sides, it's cheaper than insurance. If you figger 'bout four apples to the pound at 'bout one dollar a pound, then you're looking at paying less than 10 dollars a month fer something that prevents 'n'/er cures the problem as opposed to paying a dang sight more than that fer something that only wants to "treat" the problem in such a way that I wind up paying even more fer it.

"When" Alls' Said 'n' Done

Now we come to the fourth "W", which is "When?". When will I be doing this? Well, it's looking like the whole shooting match will kick off this Sunday, October 24, 2010, when I eat the first apple. It will continue fer a full year, 'til October 24, 2011, 'n' possibly beyond if it 'pears to be beneficial.

Perhaps another thing that we could shoehorn into the "When?" category is the timing o' this whole thing. I know it seems like that topic should more appropriately fall under the "Why?" "W", as in "Why now?", but that post'll be long enough as it is without adding to it. 'Sides, since it is a matter o' time, it just seems nat'ral to include it in the "When?"s.

So why now? Well, fer a couple o' reasons.

Firstly, October is national apple month here in the United States of America. I guess they chose October 'cause so many differ'nt varities are ready to harvest right now. (Least, the store boughten varieties that seem to mostly come from Washington state.) So there's a goodly variety at cheap prices to be had right now.

Secondly, since the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act officially kicked in last month, it seems 'bout the right time to do something health related. Who knows? If it turns out that there's more truth in the old saying 'bout apples 'n' doctors, maybe I can just ignore all the fussing 'n' feuding betwixt the two sides over this whole thing 'n' hoe my own row.

Course, the down side to that is, if it does turn out that apples're all they're cracked up to be as alternatives to the medical industry, then the big drug companies'll prob'ly buy up all the apple orchards 'n' trees in the country 'n' have us buying 'em at something like ten times what we're paying fer 'em now. Then they'll try 'n' sell you specific varieties to combat er treat specific complaints. 'N' they'll start developing new varieties to handle whatever new complaints they can invent.

So maybe this ain't such a good idea after all. I may just be embarking on a project that will mean even more money fer the folks what already have it, 'n' more cost to the folks who can least afford it. I'll take a run at it anyway, though, 'n' let the chips fall where they may. Who knows? Maybe in twenty er thirty years we'll have politicians fighting over how much we should be paying fer produce 'n' who should be picking up the tab.

"Where" I'm Coming From

Today we get to the "Where" o' this, as in "Where are you going to be doing this, Random?". That's a fairly easy one to answer, actu'ly. I'll be conducting this little experiment out o' my house fer the most part. I ain't got any plans to do any traveling over the next year er so, although that my change. If I do have to leave town fer any reason, then I'll have to make sure I have a goodly supply of apples available to me wherever I head out to.

Like I said a couple days ago, I am currently living in a little one horse town (without the horse) with delusions o' grandeur in southern Arizona. I ain't gonna tell you the name o' the town 'cause the city fathers have big enough heads 'bout the imaginary importance o' the town without me adding to their self-aggrandizement by mentioning its name in a public forum like this. Suffice it to say that, if America was a big ol' cow, Arizona would be the hind end o' that cow. 'N' if Arizona was the hind end o' the big ol' cow that was America, then the place I live would be what one would normally 'spect to find south o' the hind end of a big ol' cow.

Now, don't go getting me wrong here. I ain't got nothing 'gain' the landscape o' the place. It does have a certain charm in its austere beauty that can really grab hold of a feller. There're times when it can be quite breathtaking; like after a few days o' rain when the desert just seems to explode with a green furze over all the hills, 'specially in the spring when all the wildflowers 'n' cacti bloom in all their glory o' myriad colors. It's got some amazing sunsets, 'n', late in the day sometimes, the mountains to the west of us can be seen through a haze o' dust er light rain 'n' take on the aspect o' something out of a Tolkien landscape.

'N' then there's the wild thunderstorms we can get during the summers. Now, I love me a good thunderstorm, with the white clouds billowing up over the horizon, then slowly going from white to grey to almost black. Then the wind kicks up, there's a sudden flash o' light, 'n' a crack o' thunder that will, quite literally, rattle the windows. Then it's just, "Whoa, Nelly, grab the washing of the line!", 'cause here comes a rain so heavy you cain't see ten feet in front o' you. (Course, the wife ain't so fond o' the storms. While I'm running from window to window glorying in all the ferocious beauty o' nature, she's usually hiding under the bed clothes with the cats hoping the lightning won't find her 'n' yelling at me to turn off all the electrics 'n' stay out o' the bathrooms.)

No, they ain't nothing wrong with this area that a good dose o' plague er a small nuclear "accident" couldn't cure. 'N' it's a good sight better 'round here than it is up north. Even a good dose o' plague er a small nuclear "accident" couldn't cure the problems of a place like Phoenix. That'd take something on the scale of a good ol' biblical, Sodom 'n' Gomorrah type of event. 'N', given the way the politicians up there've been acting the past couple years, they'd be deserving o' something 'long those lines.

That's "What" I'm Talking 'Bout

Now we get to the "What" o' the 5 "W's". There're actu'ly a couple o' what's with this, so we'll start with the first one, which is "What exactly am I going to try 'n' do here?" That's fairly simple. I'm going to be testing the old adage 'bout "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" by, oddly enough, eating an apple a day fer at least a whole year 'n' seeing if it will keep me from having to go to the doctor. (I should add right here that I will be going to the doctor's sometime next August fer a reg'lar checkup to see how my cholesterol's doing, but I'll talk more 'bout that when we get to the "Why" portion o' this.)

Perhaps the biggest what, though, is what exactly constitutes an "apple". Now, that might seem like a rather ignorant question to ask since just 'bout ever'body knows what an apple is. It's one o' them sort 'o round red fruits that grow on trees 'n' you can find in any grocery store. Simple enough, right? But when it comes to this experiment, it ain't as simple as you might think.

Firstly, what counts as an apple with regards to this "apple a day" saying? Do they mean an actu'l, hold it in your hand, piece o' fruit with a peel 'n' a core 'n' all? What 'bout something like a glass o' juice er cider? Would that count as an apple, er does it need to have the solid bits, too? Can we count something like a slice o' apple pie er an apple turnover er apple fritter? Does it need to be raw to count? Is there something 'bout the chemical makeup o' raw apples that gets changed 'n' rendered non-beneficial once the things been cooked? 'N' by "an apple", do they mean only one? What happens if I eat an apple 'n' then have a glass o' juice er a slice o' pie later on? What if I have more than one apple in a day? Will that invalidate er skew the results in some way?

Secondly, we have to go back to the origins o' where the phrase "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" comes from. 'Cording to http://www.phrases.org.uk, the first recorded instance o' the phrase, er something like it, was as a saying used in Wales back in the 19th Century. If we accept that as the original source o' the saying, does that mean I have to figure out what kind o' apples they was eating in Wales back in the 19th century 'n' only eat those kinds? Was there something specific in the chemical makeup o' those partic'lar apple varieties that was special, er is it something common to all apples?

Thirdly, what if we accept claims that the phrase actu'ly originated in ancient Rome? Then we run into a real problem. 'Cording to Peter Wynne, in his excellent book "Apples: History, Folklore, Horticulture, and Gastronomy" from Hawthorn Books, Inc. copyright 1975, the ancient Romans were a little confused as to what constituted an "apple". He says that Pliny classified "citrons, peaches, even figs, as apples". Does that mean I can change things up a bit ever' now 'n' then by having a peach er a fig instead of an apple on some days?

Now, I'm just a simple country boy. I ain't got the knowledge of advanced organic chemistry that will 'low me to conduct detailed testing on apples, both raw, cooked, 'n' juiced, to determine what, if any, chemical differ'nces exist between those various states. I ain't got the time ner money to go flying off to Wales to research what varieties of apples they was eating there over a hundred years ago. I ain't got the learning ner access to go combing through countless tomes o' ancient Roman writings, either in the original Latin er even in translation, to figure out if they are the ones who originated the phrase er if they was all so loose in their use o' the term "apple".

So, the ground rule is that I will be testing this phrase with, at least one, plain ol', hold 'em raw in your hand, whatever's on sale at the local grocery stores, apple. (With any amount of additional apples, pies, fritters, turnovers, juices, ciders, er any other forms of apples I might be in the mood fer.) 'N' by "apple" I don't mean no citron (which is good, 'cause I ain't never seen none o' them for sale in any o' the stores 'round here), peach, er fig (which I would prob'ly have to buy dried, anyways, since don't no one seem to want to sell 'em fresh). I mean an apple, pomme, Apfel, manzana, яблоко, maçã, appel, mela, μήλο.

The "Who" (No, Not That Who)

Back when I was a boy, I read a book 'bout a feller who wanted to be a newspaper reporter. Someone told him that ever' story needed to answer the five "W's": Who, What, Where, When, 'n' Why. (Then they th'ew in an "H" - How - fer good measures.) Now, I ain't no reporter, but it seems to me that answering the five "W's", 'n' maybe the "H", too, is a good idea here at the beginning o' the beginning o' this thing.

So, the first "W": Who? Who am I? My name is A Random Child. I was born 'n' raised in the small town o' Dawson, in Dawson county, Tennessee. Now, don't be fooled by the fact that the name o' the town 'n' the name o' the county're both Dawson. Dawson is not the county seat o' Dawson. (That'd be Byford, up to the north o' Dawson.) There's a couple o' odd things 'bout Dawson (the county) that make it unique. Firstly, it's the smallest county in Tennessee. In fact, it is so small that it don't even show up on most maps. This has led a lot o' folks to doubt the existence o' Dawson (both the county 'n' the town), but I'm living proof that it is there.

Secondly, Dawson (the county) is the only county in Tennessee that lies entirely to the west o' the Mississippi river. Now, there are a lot o' folks who claim that this makes it a part o' West Tennessee, but, in actuality, this makes it more part o' Central Tennessee. Er, to be more accurate, part o' Central Greater Tennessee. (Those o' you who ain't familiar with the true history of our country need to realize that, in spite o' what the history 'n' geography books might tell you, Tennessee don't stop at the Mississippi river. It continues westward all the way to the Rio Grande river. But that's a story fer another time.)

Anyways, getting back to the first "W": as I was saying, I was born 'n' raised in Dawson, Tennessee. I am an only Child, as my siblings can verify, born into a simple home o' simple folks. I was raised to believe in God, country, the value o' hard work, common sense, 'n' the simple truth that The South is the greatest country in the world. (Well, it would be if the Yankees hadn't cheated us out o' winning the War o' Secession. But that's a story fer another time.) Due to a curious 'n' convoluted series of events that led to my becoming a mail-order husband, I am currently living in a one horse town (minus the horse) with delusions o' grandeur in southern Arizona. But we'll get into the partic'lars 'bout where I'm currently living when we get to the "Where" portion o' this in another couple o' days.

One thing you should prob'ly know 'bout me up front is that I do not follow sports (fer the simple reason that I don't believe a bunch o' criminals, bullies, thugs, 'n' delinquents who cain't er won't go out 'n' get real jobs should get paid more in one year fer playing childrens' games than the farmers 'n' ranchers who provide my food 'n' clothing, the miners 'n' lumberjacks who provide the materials fer my house 'n' other things, 'n' the soldiers who risk their lives to defend my life, liberty, 'n' way o' life will prob'ly make in their entire lives). I do not follow pop'lar culture, so you will not be seeing a lot o' ref'rences to pop'lar movies er TV shows er music er celebrities (fer the simple reason that I don't believe a bunch o' criminals, bullies, thugs, 'n' delinquents who cain't er won't go out 'n' get real jobs should get paid more in one year fer playing dress up 'n' pretend than the farmers 'n' ranchers who provide my food 'n' clothing, the miners 'n' lumberjacks who provide the materials fer my house 'n' other things, 'n' the soldiers who risk their lives to defend my life, liberty, 'n' way o' life will prob'ly make in their entire lives).

Another thing you should know 'bout me up front is that I write the way I talk: colloquially. I make no apologies fer it 'n' I ain't gonna change it, so if you got a problem with that, then you best just leave right now 'n' find someone who's method o' writing is more to your taste. 'N' I don't use none o' that distressed English what's become so common these days, neither. (You know what I'm talking 'bout: all that "LOL", 'n' "ROTFL", 'n' "BRB", 'n' "Peeps" nonsense.) I got too much respect fer the English language to treat it that shabbily.

The Beginning o' the Beginning

New beginnings're double-edged swords of excitement 'n' fear. New beginnings're tug-o'-wars between boundless energy 'n' paralyzing trepidation. New beginnings're minefields o' dreams 'n' paranoias. New beginnings're complete journeys in their own rights. New beginnings're...

Well, I could go on in this vein fer quite a bit longer, but I think I've made my point by now: my point being that new beginnings're full o' contradictions 'n' contrariness. On the one hand, you got all this energy 'n' excitement 'bout your new undertaking 'n' all the hopes 'n' dreams 'bout what could happen 'n' where all it could lead. On t'other hand, you got all these fears 'bout whether er not it will all end in failure, er whether folks will notice, er whether it will all end in utter failure, er even the fear that it will all succeed beyond your wildest dreams 'n' how, er even if, you'll be able to deal with that.

There is another thing 'bout new beginnings, though. New beginnings're always the victory of excitement 'n' energy 'n' dreams over fear 'n' trepidation 'n' paranoia. They have to be. Think 'bout it fer a minute. If it was t'other way 'round, with the fear 'n' all winning out over the other stuff, there would be no beginning. So, in a way, all beginnings're small victories, no matter what the final outcome is.

So this is my small victory over fear 'n' what not. This is me setting my foot on a new path. This is me dipping my toe into the pond. This is me shooting my arrow into the air 'n' watching to see where it eventually falls. This is my shot in the dark. This is my ... all that other stuff like that. This is the beginning o' my attempt to eat an apple a day fer at least a full year 'n' seeing if it really will keep the doctor away.

(In actual point o' fact, though, this is just the beginning o' that beginning. I won't get to the beginning o' the actual apple eating fer a few more days yet. This is just a sort o' introduction to lay down the ground rules 'n' let folks know just what's in store fer 'em if they decide to follow this thing to whatever end it reaches.)