That's "What" I'm Talking 'Bout

Now we get to the "What" o' the 5 "W's". There're actu'ly a couple o' what's with this, so we'll start with the first one, which is "What exactly am I going to try 'n' do here?" That's fairly simple. I'm going to be testing the old adage 'bout "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" by, oddly enough, eating an apple a day fer at least a whole year 'n' seeing if it will keep me from having to go to the doctor. (I should add right here that I will be going to the doctor's sometime next August fer a reg'lar checkup to see how my cholesterol's doing, but I'll talk more 'bout that when we get to the "Why" portion o' this.)

Perhaps the biggest what, though, is what exactly constitutes an "apple". Now, that might seem like a rather ignorant question to ask since just 'bout ever'body knows what an apple is. It's one o' them sort 'o round red fruits that grow on trees 'n' you can find in any grocery store. Simple enough, right? But when it comes to this experiment, it ain't as simple as you might think.

Firstly, what counts as an apple with regards to this "apple a day" saying? Do they mean an actu'l, hold it in your hand, piece o' fruit with a peel 'n' a core 'n' all? What 'bout something like a glass o' juice er cider? Would that count as an apple, er does it need to have the solid bits, too? Can we count something like a slice o' apple pie er an apple turnover er apple fritter? Does it need to be raw to count? Is there something 'bout the chemical makeup o' raw apples that gets changed 'n' rendered non-beneficial once the things been cooked? 'N' by "an apple", do they mean only one? What happens if I eat an apple 'n' then have a glass o' juice er a slice o' pie later on? What if I have more than one apple in a day? Will that invalidate er skew the results in some way?

Secondly, we have to go back to the origins o' where the phrase "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" comes from. 'Cording to http://www.phrases.org.uk, the first recorded instance o' the phrase, er something like it, was as a saying used in Wales back in the 19th Century. If we accept that as the original source o' the saying, does that mean I have to figure out what kind o' apples they was eating in Wales back in the 19th century 'n' only eat those kinds? Was there something specific in the chemical makeup o' those partic'lar apple varieties that was special, er is it something common to all apples?

Thirdly, what if we accept claims that the phrase actu'ly originated in ancient Rome? Then we run into a real problem. 'Cording to Peter Wynne, in his excellent book "Apples: History, Folklore, Horticulture, and Gastronomy" from Hawthorn Books, Inc. copyright 1975, the ancient Romans were a little confused as to what constituted an "apple". He says that Pliny classified "citrons, peaches, even figs, as apples". Does that mean I can change things up a bit ever' now 'n' then by having a peach er a fig instead of an apple on some days?

Now, I'm just a simple country boy. I ain't got the knowledge of advanced organic chemistry that will 'low me to conduct detailed testing on apples, both raw, cooked, 'n' juiced, to determine what, if any, chemical differ'nces exist between those various states. I ain't got the time ner money to go flying off to Wales to research what varieties of apples they was eating there over a hundred years ago. I ain't got the learning ner access to go combing through countless tomes o' ancient Roman writings, either in the original Latin er even in translation, to figure out if they are the ones who originated the phrase er if they was all so loose in their use o' the term "apple".

So, the ground rule is that I will be testing this phrase with, at least one, plain ol', hold 'em raw in your hand, whatever's on sale at the local grocery stores, apple. (With any amount of additional apples, pies, fritters, turnovers, juices, ciders, er any other forms of apples I might be in the mood fer.) 'N' by "apple" I don't mean no citron (which is good, 'cause I ain't never seen none o' them for sale in any o' the stores 'round here), peach, er fig (which I would prob'ly have to buy dried, anyways, since don't no one seem to want to sell 'em fresh). I mean an apple, pomme, Apfel, manzana, яблоко, maçã, appel, mela, μήλο.